


Scared of Loving You

by Mandelazoid



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Jokes, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Gay Panic, Homophobic Language, I want my boys to be happy ffs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21860776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandelazoid/pseuds/Mandelazoid
Summary: Sometimes he wondered if Richie felt the same way but that was just fucking dumb. Richie wasn't gay. Richie couldn't be gay. Eddie had been told by his mother that being gay was dirty and vile. Eddie was dirty and vile. Richie, however, wasn't either of those things to Eddie.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 141





	Scared of Loving You

**Author's Note:**

> I've fallen so in love with this ship after watching IT chapter 2 and starting to read the book. I'm definitely considering writing more of them.  
> This writing style is similar to mine but a touch different, I don't know if you guys will like it but I hope you enjoy :)

Eddie found himself biting the inside of his cheek to prevent a smile that just so desperately tried to crawl upon his lips. Richie's fingers dug into his cheek and while the pinch was beginning to hurt he couldn't find it within himself to care as much as he normally would. It was Richie doing it after all.

"Cute cute cute cute! You're so cute Eds!" The words tumbled out of Richie's mouth and comfortably filled the air of the clubhouse. 

Everybody else was busy. Well busy in their own ways he supposed. Stanley was nose deep into a comic book with Bill, a showercap dawning each of their heads. Ben and Beverly were studying, something everyone should be doing since that's why they came here. And finally Mike was jumping in between studying and reading, head stuck between pages no matter what he was really doing. 

"I am not!" Eddie spoke up, a frown replacing the smile he was fighting against. "Also don't call me Eds dipshit. You know I hate that."

Richie's eyes merely rolled as he stopped his assault on Eddie's face. "You know you love it, Eds." He stretched out on the hammock causing the smaller to boy to almost fall over. Promptly receiving a foot up against his face. 

"How's this feel asshole?"

"I don't know. How's it feel that I fucked your mom? OW!" Eddie snorted as he pushed his foot harder against Richie's face causing his glasses to tumble into his lap. This didn't deter the curly haired boy however. In fact it only seemed to egg him on, if him tackling Eddie was any indication. 

He knows it's wrong but his stomach does little flips that he's never experienced before. They're face to face and even though Richie is obviously attempting to hold him down in a playful way the thoughts that come into Eddie's head only make him flush.

Richie's curly hair fell over his sweaty forehead and his squinted eyes gazed down. Eddie pushed back his feelings and pressed up against Richie in an attempt to get out of his hold.

"Get the fuck off me 'che."

"Oooh look who's at it with the nicknames now Eds."

"Oh go fuck yourself."

Eddie gave up and just laid beneath him, gaze casting to the other losers in the room. They were looking at them. Heat rose into his face as his eyes landed back to Richie. 

"That's gay Eds." 

"You're gay."   
  
A smirk tugged at his lips and a deviousness entered his eyes. There was a pause of silence and Eddie felt his stomach churn. Out of fear? Anticipation? Who the fuck knows really. 

"Don't you fucking dare trash mouth."

"How can I be gay?"

"No."

"When just last night I fucked your mom?" The smirk only grew on his face. If Eddie was perfectly honest with himself he couldn't decide whether he wanted to punch him for it or work up courage to kiss him.

"Sometimes I just want to strangle you." A theatrical sigh tumbled from his lips.

Richie's only response was wiggling his eyebrows and a shit eating grin. "Kinky." The word was like an afterthought as he finally picked up his glasses and laid back in his original spot. 

The increase space between them hurt more than it should considering it was only a few dumb inches but Eddie's mind didn't care for logic apparently. Not that it ever did. Logic says he shouldn't have fallen in love with his best friend especially when his best friend is a guy but he did. He fell hard. 

Sometimes he wondered if Richie felt the same way but that was just fucking dumb. Richie wasn't gay. Richie couldn't be gay. Eddie had been told by his mother that being gay was dirty and vile. Eddie was dirty and vile. Richie, however, wasn't either of those things to Eddie. He was beautiful, funny, and maybe a little dumb but never what Eddie believed himself to be.

A foot lodged itself into his hip as if to keep him balanced in reality and Eddie found himself focusing on his friends instead of his pestering thoughts. They were all looking at him. 

"Earth to Eddie?" Beverly spoke up, a hand waving in front of his face. "We were just asking if you want to come swimming with us?"

"We all dec-decided we needed a b-br-break."

Ben rolled his eyes at Bill's comment, hands stuffing into his pockets. "A break? Technically me and Bev were the only ones studying." 

"Not true. I was studying too." Mike let out an offended huff.

"Okay. Okay. We can have a pissing contest later guys. Right now we should go take a dip in the water." Stan provided. The others nodded, most of them heading out of the clubhouse with only a few remaining to wait for Beverly and to see if Eddie or Richie would join them.

Beverly gestured to the opening of the clubhouse as one more invitation but Eddie felt himself shake his head. First of all that was a staph infection just waiting to happen. Fucking disgusting. Not enough hand sanitizer in the world would clean off that bacteria. Secondly it was hard to do anything right now with as much as his brain was processing his emotions. Much to his surprise the foot remained pressed against his hip and dug even deeper.

"I'mma stay too." Richie waved Bev off and Eddie swears he could see a look pass through her eyes. A look he couldn't quite grasp.

"See you guys!" Everyone left the clubhouse within a few brief moments and suddenly it dawned on him that him and Richie were all alone. Richie seemed to notice too if his eyes being trained on Eddie was anything to go by. 

"Stop looking at me!"

"I'm not looking Eddie Spaghetti. Just thinking." With a shoulder shrug the look was dropped to somewhere elsewhere in the room. Things fell into silence and God was it unbearable. Moments slowly turned into roughly ten minutes and logic once again decided to leave Eddie's brain because fuck him am I right?

Scooting closer to Richie, he received an odd look, but continued to move closer until his he was laying right beside him. The hammock rocked gently beneath them from the movement. The warmth he felt beside him made his stomach twist into knots and swiftly Eddie laid his head up on Richie's shoulder. His face felt warm and the way the shoulder tensed underneath his head was very noticeable. 

"...What are you doing?" Richie's asked. 

"Just trying something." 

"Well you've tried it. Now can you please get off?" The tone he used was one Eddie had never heard spill from Richie's lips before. It was closed off and maybe a touch afraid. 

Despite the plea that was made Eddie didn't move away. He knew if he kept these feelings just bottled up forever then he'd probably be miserable but there was also the reality that he could very much lose the person underneath him by revealing them. He couldn't decide which was worse. So with his eyes closed tightly he allowed himself not to decide or even think at all for that matter. 

Just a moment where he could pretend all the worries in his mind didn't exist and he could just do what he wanted. So with just a soft exhale he lifted himself up and found his lips connecting with Richie's. Eyes shut even tighter as he pulled away just as soon as it happened, he couldn't see the disgust written on his features. Not yet.

"What the fuck was that?" 

The question wasn't seething like Eddie has imagined but he couldn't seem to find the right words and instead opted to remain silent. 

"Someone tell you to do this?" 

Eddie's eyes snapped open at the accusation. 

"What?" He croaked out. 

"They ask you to prove just how much of a fag I really am?" Tears were visible beneath the rounded frames of his glasses, threatening to spill over as he continued on. "Never thought you'd be one to listen to those assholes."

"Richie I have no idea what you're talking about." Face contorted into one of confusion Eddie placed his hand on the other's shoulder. People called Richie a fag? He knew they targeted him as being one, the nonstop taunting thankfully only happening when he was alone, but what reason did they have for doing that to Richie?

A soft puff of air left Richie's mouth in disbelief and he shrugged Eddie's hand off. His body shifting in an attempt to leave the hammock which was swaying beneath them violently. Eddie's arms wound themselves around Richie's body not only to keep him from moving but also selfishly so he wouldn't tumble to the ground. 

"I like you, dumbass! I've been having freaking out over here for the entire day so just shut the fuck up and give me a fucking hug. Okay?" His face was buried into Richie's shirt. Voice muffled ever so slightly and his breathing being a touch more labored. Tears were falling against the fabric. Eddie hadn't even realized he started crying but as soon as it seeped it the tears only seemed to fall harder.

Arms wrapped themselves around his figure and the two remained like that for awhile. Eddie couldn't even guess how much time had passed with Richie holding him. Enough time for his tears to have halted and for his breathing to go back to normal. Eddie loosened his grasp finally but not before listening to the audible breaths being inhaled and exhaled by his friend.

With eyes darting upwards he could see Richie's tear stained face and the light smile passed his way that seemed to be an attempt to lighten the tension. Silence overtook them, it being obvious neither knew what to say.

"...I like you too."

"Huh?"

"You heard me Eds." Richie mumbled before letting out a sigh. "I like you too."

A smile overtook Eddie's lips. God he can't remember the last time he smiled like this. Relief and joy was coursing through his veins and he never wanted this feeling to go away.

"Don't smile like that, Eds. This means I'm having an affair on your mom." Richie wore a shit eating grin and pulled Eddie into his arms for a hug.

A look of disgust replaced the content happiness on Eddie's face. "Oh go fuck yourself trash mouth."

"Kinky."

Eddie would be a little irritated of it wasn't for the small kiss placed on the edge of his mouth. For once his brain wasn't overworking itself to oblivion and instead all he could think about was the curly haired asshole in his arms. How could anyone think that this was wrong? It felt like the best thing to ever happen to him.

With one look at how they held each other Eddie, for the first time in what felt like forever, told himself something he hadn't in awhile.

Things were going to be okay.


End file.
